TELL YOUR MOM I WOULD HAVE BEEN HAPPY TO PAY HER, HAD THE RIMJOB BEEN OF HIGHER QUALITY

Tuesday, May 09, 2006

Hey Justin Williams, Fuck You!

Not only do I think this Justin Williams guy is a piece of shit from his horrible band, or his childish actions, or his absolutely intellectually invalid attempts to rationalize said actions... But to properly research this post I had to look at Pitchfork Media. Now I'm really pissed.

Anyway, this dipshit, not because he is a immature whiney fucker - is actually trying horn in on something that wasn't any of his business and correct (in his own myopic manner) an injustice that had nothing to do at all with him. How did he perform this heroic deed? He threw a banana peel at forty nine year old Mark E. Smith's misshapen head in Arizona, causing all manner of chaos on a tour that was already wobbling along on it's last legs after the entire backing band left. Why did this busybody piece of shit feel the need to stick his nose in, of all people's, The Fall's business?

According to noted news organization, www.myspace.com, Williams said:

"FUCK MARK E. SMITH HE SUCKS, MARK E. SMITH a.k.a MR. BURNS has managed to piss off his band so bad they quit and left him in america with his crazy wife slash one fingered keyboard player... MARK pulled a corkscrew on his bass player poured beer and ashed on the head of his tour manager while driving (who has also quit the tour) and played only one full set without slithering off stage to his R.V. to dive into a bottle of scotch."

Well, it is Mark E. Smith, didn't you do your research, asshole? That shit happens to The Fall all the time. Big goddamned deal, they are, after all, the fucking Fall. Business as usual.

"the man is in his late 40's and looks older than my dead grandfather i'm sorry to those out there who are fall fans but you do not know this guy he is an idiot the three other members of the fall are great guys nice as can be and i wish the best for them..."

Well, I am perfectly willing to concede that Mark E. Smith is a jerk, an asshole, or someone who is not at all fun to be in a band with, but he's not an idiot. Beneath his ghastly exterior and horrible interpersonal skills, is someone who is intelligent and articulate. I've made fun of people's personal appearance before, but only when it is something they can change (like if the idiot, yes, legitimate idiot) in the Soledad Brothers got a decent haircut, then I wouldn't make fun of him anymore. Mark E. Smith presents himself decently, like a normal working class fuck, without any pretension. You see what the assholes in The Talk look like? I'd sure like to stab one. So what if Mark E. Smith looks old? He's been releasing records since 1978.

And yeah, I've gotten guff for criticizing people when I am told I shouldn't be allowed to touch their shoelaces, but the only thing notable about Williams, besides having even worse grammar and spelling skills then yours truly, and The Talk is that they managed to weasel their way on to an ineptly booked The Fall tour.

So Justin Williams, took it upon himself, unsolicited might I add, and in the spirit of selfless altruism, to throw a banana peel at forty nine year old Mark E. Smith while he is playing on stage.

"i was told by the falls tour manager he and the rest of the band were going home without mark knowing and this would be the last show this really pissed me off BAD!!! if this had happened a few years ago i would have beat the shit out of him but i'm older now so i picked up a dirty banana peel ran onto the stage and threw it in his face as hard as i could and walked away he ran after me with some 1800's English boxing hands and wanted to fight i laughed and walked away knowing in my head this man has only a few years left..."

It pissed you off BAD!!! Did it? Did it make you ANGRY!!!, too? Are you UPSET!!!? How about you go FUCK!!! yourself? To Mark E. Smith's credit, he still tried to fight the much younger, and presumably fitter, Williams. But Williams is just too awesome to fight, even after provoking someone. What an asshole.

After The Fall left the stage, the crowd chanted "U.S.A." and demanded a refund. Why would anyone ever chant "U.S.A.", what kind of assholes go the Fall shows in Arizona? And why didn't they do something productive, like beat the shit out of Justin Williams, whose fault it was in the first place? (Oh wait, I'm wrong, it was Smith's fault that Williams had to do that).

Williams offered this apology:

"p.s. sorry to everyone in phoenix i threw a banana at mark during the show i know you payed good money to see that shit but if it was not for us talking the rest of the band to come to phoenix they would not have even showed up so be lucky you even got that much do not be mad at us be mad at MARK E. SMITH he does not care if you were there or not he does not care about his fans trust me i know first hand"

Oh, okay, that makes it all better. The lack of periods really underscores your argument.

Why do people think violent crime is bad? If tomorrow, some enterprising young psychopath beat Williams to death, would it really be that horrible? I mean, let's face it, our gene pool is already irreparably fucked, there's plenty of people on the earth already, what would it manner? It's all Buddhism folks, if some asshole in The Talk dies horribly, and nobody cares, did it actually happen? Here's hoping we can find out, and soon.

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