TELL YOUR MOM I WOULD HAVE BEEN HAPPY TO PAY HER, HAD THE RIMJOB BEEN OF HIGHER QUALITY

Wednesday, June 15, 2005

Phil Honolulu = Just As Relevant As Howlin' Wolf

What do Myself, The Rolling Stones, Mozart, Bo Diddley, Can, Captain Beefheart, The Carter Family, Suicide, The Electric Eels, Jerry Lee Lewis, The Stooges, Roxy Music, Elvis Presley, Hackamore Brick, Ernest Tubb, Devo, and Charlie Patton all have in common?

G'ahead, guess... Guess, c'mon, try it... Don't know? Need a hint? It's hot that hard... Well, I'll just tell you. Like yours truly, the list above is part of the rich history of recorded music, a narrow part of the vast pantheon of musical artists who have recorded their compositions for the ages. That's right, dear reader, you, me, we've had our ups and downs, you've given me a load of shit, and to be fair, at times, I could have been much nicer to some of you. You've written me nasty emails and comments, and I, in turn, have leveled abuse and vitriol at many of you. But, when we get down to brass tacks, you kept reading me, and despite me becoming drastically less productive, I have kept contributing. I could say we have a begrudging respect, but that would be wrong, because I respect very few of you. But, for better or for worse, we're stuck with each other for the time being, me typing my thoughts, and you: your eyes drifting slowly, haltingly over the screen, your lips spastically forming out the words I've written, as your brow furrows and your brain runs hot as you try your hand at literacy. So we might as well make the most of it.

Does this mean I'm going to stop saying things like: Dirtnap is almost totally worthless? Or, ask relevant questions like: Why is it wrong to laugh at someone who is mentally retarded, but okay to poke fun at someone who likes The Willowz? Or state, and mean every word of it: If The Soledad Brothers all got tortured and murdered, I would laugh like a banshee and it would be perfectly ethical of me? No, it doesn't. Don't you worry your pretty little head about it. Despite my impending fame and riches, I remain hateful, spiteful and still thoroughly enjoy making mediocre people question their personal worth, and/or talent (Hello, Brian). Here's the skinny: It's is not unlike Lana Turner getting discovered at Schwab's Drugstore. A longtime reader, upon hearing that I had been playing guitar with another person, contacted me via email and asked me to send him a tape. I did, and he enjoyed it, and asked me to record and release a single on his new record label. I am not going to give away the identity of said record label yet, but suffice to say, their roster includes some very impressive acts and I am proud to be a part of their lineup.

So, expect a single in the upcoming months. I look forward to your criticisms.

Links to this post:

Create a Link

<< Home