Wednesday, March 09, 2005

My Romance Is Wilted And Dead

So, you may have noticed (or may not have) that I haven't been putting much down about my life, instead concentrating on interviews and some of my typical sub bush league music scrawl bullshit. Work is the same old thankless rut (as I imagine it is for you, too), and in my spare time I've been drinking at home with a book rather then going out. But, the big news for me (sort of), is that I started (sort of) seeing a girl. She's nice. I met her online. We've been out three times, twice for food and once she came over and we watched a movie ('The Village', it was fucking terrible). She is a genuinely nice person. I try my best to be humorous and kind around her, and she seems to like me. At first it was alarming, because it doesn't happen to me that often so I always feel it is part of a an elaborate prank when a female is being nice to me. But it is also flattering.

But, it's also horrible, because as much as enjoy her company in brief doses, I am not especially attracted to her, emotionally or physically. It's not that my standards are any more particular then the everyday sort, but she just doesn't do it for me. She is kind, but beyond both needed the aid of a computer dating service to make each other's initial acquaintance, we have absolutely nothing in common. She doesn't like to read, I enjoy it. She like movies like 'The Village', I hate them. She doesn't 'like music', whereas despite vocally disliking much of it, I love. She doesn't seem to have must interest in anything. I can try and admire that attitude, but it is difficult. I do not want someone that shares my interests (oh dear God, no), but it is nevertheless strange to be with someone without the slightest bit of cultural curiosity. So, as you can imagine, our conversations are often stilted and awkward, even by my standards, and I have much experience in that area, let me tell you. She is studying to be a social worker while she works at some lousy office. I imagine much of her attraction (as minor as it may very well be) stems from her same noble, altruistic desires to help others that motivates her to become a social worker. That's my theory, anyway, even if I haven't shared it with her. I'd like to be friends with her and all, or more accurately, I would like to rarely see her and have her bear no long term ill-will towards me or personal pain on her part, but I cannot handle spending much more time in her company, which I should find pleasant, but do not.

There you go, no special plans upcoming, but try and read anyway.

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