TELL YOUR MOM I WOULD HAVE BEEN HAPPY TO PAY HER, HAD THE RIMJOB BEEN OF HIGHER QUALITY

Thursday, December 02, 2004

A Douchetard's 2 Cents

This morning, after hosting a terrorist cell, joining the Nazi party, beating up a handicapped person, sending out poison pen letters, pouring a pail of mercury in the local water supply, molesting a half dozen kids, and shutting down a major corporation and fucking retirees out of their pensions to increase the value of my personal stocks, a reader kindly pointed out today that more folks on the Terminal Boredom message board saw fit to comment on how much they dislike; this site, my posts, my writing, my opinions, and me. I recently was politely asked by members of Terminal Boredom's staff to contribute a column, which was a very nice of them, and I agreed (though reluctantly). Before I have even managed to write a single word of my proposed column, I've been already been called 'stupid', [someone that] failed miserably', 'a fuckin idiot', and 'a douchetard'. I've got some pretty high expectations to live up to. I eagerly await the mail I'm going to get once I start writing said column.

One Mister Tricknee, another Terminal Boredom contributer, who runs a fine label in his own right, who I've been corresponding with over the past couple of weeks, defended me, mentioning:

"Do you have to agree with "the author" in order to enjoy genuinely good writing? If so, I really feel sorry for you. Here's some news - I don't agree with all of the guy's opinions, but I can recognize the fact that he out-writes me and everyone else on the TB staff. He's funny, insightful, and self-deprecating. The fact that writing exists on a papyrus leaf, blog or bathroom wall has nothing to do with the quality thereof"

Which one 'Dan Generous' rather curtly responded to, with:

"who cares about good writing"

Can't argue with that! I'm flattered that someone would consider my writing good. I do my best to make it seem like it's not a monkey pecking at a keyboard and try to back up my opinions with some semblance of thought and/or logic. I don't have the chops to be a good writer, and my bag of tricks is a really tiny one. A reader even wrote me and mentioned:

"hey, phil, what's with all the fuckin adverbs? fuck"

But, I'd be lying if I said I don't enjoy the occasional compliments. But, as anyone who has read this can attest, I'm not writing this to receive compliments. So, why I am I writing it then?

Dan Generous again:

"like Steve said, what was the point of that blog? i have a problem with people just degrading shit like that. i mean, saying i like the first album better than the third and that i dislike the production is one thing but jesus... who the fuck is Phil anyway?"

Who am I? 'Who Am I' is a half finished studio Rolling Stones bootleg. How do you answer a question like that? What is the point of my blog? It doesn't have a point, it's a bunch of posts, weather it's dispatches from my day to day life, or my own opinions about either things I enjoy and would like to recommend to interested parties, or things I find repugnant and would like to criticize. Hey, Lowery made some really arrogant remarks, and I pointed them out, which is basically the same thing these folks are doing to me. What's a matter with 'just degrading shit'? I bought the record, and I thought it stunk like a bag of dead skunks. The same old '77 punk rehash that's been beaten into the ground for decades now, with no good songwriting to make it stand out.

Mister 'Steve Strange', who apparently is now a comrade over at Terminal Boredom had this to say:

"I can't see the point in spending the time it obviously took him to write what basically amounts to a well crafted hack job on Lowery. Beyond that what was the point of his post? I also wouldn't agree that he can write better than any of us. Sure his prose is very polished and all, but I thought rock n roll writing was supposed to be fun. I've never even heard of this guy before, so I really can't comment on what he's written aside from this one post, but he seems needlessly critical and derisive of others. I'd rather read a brilliantly crafted review of a good record by Rich, a piece of gonzo nuttiness by Lastname, or one of Costello's knee slappers of a column than some guy who spends all of this time and energy complaining about others in a mean spirited way. I'm touched that you'd choose me as the TBer you disagree with the most, but I've got to say that you are a MUCH more interesting and entertaining writer than this guy."

Listen, Jim, how do you know how much time I'm spend on my writing? It's little blogger posts, pal, and if I spit out something in a spare half hour or so, all of a sudden I'm Bob Woodward? Get some perspective. 'I thought rock n roll writing was supposed to fun'? Like that barrel of laughs, Nick Kent? I agree with you to a point, Greil Marcus is boring, far too academic windbag with a tweed pelvis that wouldn't know a decent record if it bit him in his overpraised ass. I disagree with you on people that spend all their time and energy complaining about others in a mean spirited way - I enjoy it. You could say the exact same thing about Bill Hicks, Skip James, Celine...

Have to go back to work now.

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