TELL YOUR MOM I WOULD HAVE BEEN HAPPY TO PAY HER, HAD THE RIMJOB BEEN OF HIGHER QUALITY

Sunday, November 14, 2004

Three Bands That Take It Up The Ass (Metaphorically)

1. Taxi

Yeah, sure, I know this isn't exactly a bigtime news scoop, but a reader sent me their record, which has been out for a few years. I'm appreciative someone took the time & money to mail me something (thanks, Johnny) but his tastes are highly suspect, if not cause for outright ridicule. I listened to the record once, and now I'm going to sell it. Even though I've never heard it, I can still tell it's better then the unbelievably shitty record the worthless assholes in The Sermon put out, but that is like mentioning that you have better reasoning ability then a coffee mug filled with dirt. It's just not much of an accomplishment. Taxi are boring punkers, with a vaguely metal edge and are completely uninspired. The fact that they are Italian, and that their record is (rightfully) kind of difficult to get your hands on may have much to do with their slight critical reputation amongst the conformist-in-an-unconformist-way folks that peruse blogs, message boards, and the underground press. Taxi sucks.

2. The Functional Blackouts

I don't understand the big deal at all. People mention the Germs/Electric Eels, 'dangerous' weirdo art damaged aspect and I don't see it in the least. They aren't horrible, unless your definition of horrible is really boring. Instead, they are pedestrian, unmemorable, and can't write a song for shit. None of this would usually bother me, but the grade C hype they've been getting and that people actually fall for it, is just mind boggling. Comparing them to Cleveland proto punk bands is insipid, insane, and wrong. You can compare then to Taxi, that is more their speed. Live show is boring, too.

3. The Mistreaters

Are really silly.

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