TELL YOUR MOM I WOULD HAVE BEEN HAPPY TO PAY HER, HAD THE RIMJOB BEEN OF HIGHER QUALITY

Wednesday, November 24, 2004

That's Pretty Fucking Dumb

So, I bought the remake of 'Dawn Of The Dead' on DVD for myself as Thanksgiving present. I do not know why I get such sublime joy from seeing actors portraying dead people walking around getting shot in the head, but I like it nonetheless. I watched all the special features, even the seemingly endless, really unpleasant bad acting fest of the Ponytailed Clown hamming up a storm in front of a handicam, and then sat down and watched the movie. I still like it as much as when I saw it in theaters. That they managed to make an watchable remake is an accomplishment in itself, that they managed to find actors I had never seen before who gave very solid performances is impressive indeed, and the movie had flourishes here and there that improved on the (still superior) original... Well, it was a nice surprise, and I am happy to have it in my movie collection.

Anyway, the movie end credit sequence, for those who haven't seen it, is set to The Jim Carrol Band's 'People Who Died'. I was never a fan of Jim Carrol, either as a poet, a painter, a writer, or a musician. His foolish romanticism of street culture had been done to death already, and as for his debut record, his obvious stylistic swipes from the likes of Dylan, Smith and Reed do little to endear me. As for his life as junkie, I am reminded of a quote from The Simpsons. Homer is discussing a little boy who fell down a well. "He's a hero!" Homer says, Lisa asks, why is he a hero, when all he did was fall down a well? "Well," Homer responds, "it's more then you did".

A quote on (ahem) his own website (and the ellipses are their's):
Lynn Hirschberg, describing a Jim Carroll Band concert in 1980, before the release of Catholic Boy, reported overhearing a Oui photographer remark, "You're watching the Dylan of the 80s, you know. . . . Seeing Jim Carroll now . . . is like witnessing history."

Wow! You mean a Oui photographer said that? It must be true! As for 'witnessing history' I wasn't nominated for a Pulitzer prize at age 22 (at least if I was, nobody bothered to tell me about it), but I can confidently state that 'witnessing history' doesn't make a lick of sense. How can you not witness history? Even if you are Oui photographer? That was the best review they could find? For Christ's sake, I found better fucking reviews of Makers records.

After wracking my brains for some really stupid lyrics, bad rhymes, and pretentious snippets from various other artists record, no matter how much I disliked them, I think the following in 'People Who Died' may very well take the cake as the dumbest lyric of all time.

Even though I dislike reprinting lyrics, I'll make an exception to show how stupid something is:

Brian got busted on a narco rap
He beat the rap by ratting on some bikers
He said "Hey! I know it's dangerous, but it sure beats Rikers!"
The next day he got offed, by the very same bikers

Yep, Mister Multitalented has got the hipster patois down, trying to give those of us who are thankfully insulated from the horror, a glimpse into the horrible grim realities of the New York urban Junkie squalor, by rhyming 'biker' twice.

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