TELL YOUR MOM I WOULD HAVE BEEN HAPPY TO PAY HER, HAD THE RIMJOB BEEN OF HIGHER QUALITY

Monday, November 29, 2004

Mister Sourpuss Responds To Some Clown

In an earlier post "Three Bands That Take It Up The Ass (Metaphorically)", I derided the output of three bands that have managed to wrangle some critical acclaim and fanbases, but I don't like anyway. Namely, The Functional Blackouts, Taxi, and The Mistreaters.

I got the following comment this morning;

Anonymous said...
"so what do you consider good?
It's always funny to see people take offense, but let's check out your defense, Mr. Sourpuss."

Okay Anonymous,

Hey, I've been called lot's of things in my life; 'fat asshole', 'embittered prick', 'miserable self delusional fuckup that is upset with the way his life has turned out and takes it out on everyone else', 'an embarrassment to this company', and 'someone I see as a friend, not as a boyfriend', but I have been never been referred to as Mr. Sourpuss. Probably because folks with rudimentary deductional ability are able to recognize it without having to mention it.

Even though I've already listed things I like throughout Letters Have No Arms, I'll humor someone that was nice enough to read, and write, despite not really making any kind of sense with his last statement. I have no problem with complimenting a band, or writing a glowing review of something I enjoy, but there is no way I would do the exclusively. That's for miserable sacks of shit like whoever the fuckbucket that edits the (hopefully currently defunct) Gearhead magazine, with it's spineless, risk-free 'no negative reviews' policy. Nuts to that.

Something I enjoy rather then The Functional Blackouts:
The Hunches
They've got the grit, the noise, and the aggressiveness. Furthermore, they can write good songs. The entire band can effortlessly spiral up in intensity, fall apart, then come crashing back into another lurching crush of noise. When they aren't doing that, they can write a pretty ballad or a mid tempo pop song. Unlike the Blackouts, and to their benefit, The Hunches don't sound like normal Joe's who put on their best Halloween nihilistic art punker persona to impress the gullible come gig time, either.

Something I enjoy rather then Taxi:
The Nazis From Mars
From the description, drum machines/synths/pop songs obviously influenced by The Ramones, I'm afraid it sounds like horrible, lowest common denominator garbage. It isn't. Catchy songs with great deadpan vocals. It's rare a band is able to incorporate having a sense of humor without seeming like a novelty act, but they manage. Unlike Taxi, and to their benefit, they creatively expanded on their '77 influences rather then just aping them.

Something I enjoy rather then The Mistreaters
The Broke Revue
Upon listening to The Mistreaters again, and reflecting upon what I heard, I no longer place The Mistreaters in the category of being totally unlistenable garbage. They are head and shoulders above The Sermon, but that isn't much of an accomplishment. Despite remaining derivative rock that does very little to stand out from the rest of the pack, they took me by surprise with the occasional interesting guitar riff, or admirable production flourish. Does this mean I am going to purchase one of their records? No, and I also stand by them being silly. But rather then listen to the Mistreaters, I'll take the Dan Melchoir's Broke Revue's 'Bitterness, Rage, Spite and Scorn' LP. Unlike The Mistreaters, while having no overt surface elements to separate them from other bands in the same scene, the Broke Revue have interesting arrangements and songwriting, some very impressive guitar work, and are able to craft something memorable.

Thankfully, nobody asked me about how my Thanksgiving was. It was deemed my job to take down the half-assed Thanksgiving decor (cardboard turkeys, cardboard Indians, faux cornucopias and real bowls of - is it incongruous or is it me? - candy corn) and put up the Christmas decor, which consists of cardboard trees, angels, elves, and all of that kind of shit. Despite limited movement on my right hand index finger because of the bandage, it has not made copying any more difficult. I'm trying to avoid my boss, because I don't want the task of procuring the Christmas tree like last year. It was horrible, I picked out a fucking TREE. Just a nice sized green fucking Christmas tree. It looked fine to me. It wasn't good enough for everyone else though, Half the office asked me why I didn't get it flocked. The other half asked why I didn't get a bigger tree. People called from overseas to ask why I didn't get a smaller tree. My boss asked why I didn't get one of the less dense tree with big spaces between the branches because "my Mother always got those kind". Maybe they'll pick someone else to get the tree this year if I look sullen and busy enough...

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