TELL YOUR MOM I WOULD HAVE BEEN HAPPY TO PAY HER, HAD THE RIMJOB BEEN OF HIGHER QUALITY

Wednesday, November 17, 2004

Fuck Bikes

I was riding home, about a quarter of the way back, nice and cool outside, I was moving along at a healthy clip, ipod blasting away when I hit some kind of pothole and the handlebar jerked out of my hand and the front wheel went sideways and I sprawled across the pavement. I got the wind knocked out of me (the handlebar jammed into my ribs), and one whole pantleg somehow got torn off by the wheel, so I was laying there stomach down, bleeding, with one bare leg. I had to piss at the time and was concentrating on holding it in and somehow managed to piss all over myself when I fell. The worst part was some motorist pulled over and got out and wide eyed, kept asking me repeatedly if I was okay. I just wanted to lay there alone in my pain. What did I ever do to deserve this? I got up and nodded and the person (middle aged women, very ugly with lot's of curls framing her harsh face) kept asking me if I was okay and had me walk around. I insisted I was fine (she kept offering to call an ambulance, fuck that) until she left me. So yeah, now my bike is all fucked up, the front fork that holds the front wheel is bent. The wheel somehow got dislodged and is it's no longer circular, instead it's portions come out at an angle and the tire won't fit on. It's worthless The brakes got all fucked up, so it looks like the entire bike is now rendered a useless hunk of metal. I could get it fixed I guess. The worst part is, my ipod got a nasty jolt, and now it the screen is just a file with a ominous looking exclamation point. I tried plugging it into my computer when I got home and nothing's happening. I had to walk home, just keep watching my feet and lugging my bike on one shoulder and the broken wheel in my other hand, it took at least an hour. It was horrible. It took far longer then eternity and people kept honking and yelling 'FAG!' or pulling alongside of me to point and laugh. My left kneecap is badly scraped, with a few minor cuts on my shin. My pants are a total loss, in addition to the loss of the pant leg (any more fabric torn off and I would have had to figure out a way to hide my nuts from showing on the way home) they stink of urine. I threw them away outside. My belly got a good scape, and had to pull out pieces of gravel and street detritus. The worst is my chin and my palms. The bottom of my chin has already scabbed up, but it hurts to move my head in any other fashion then looking straight ahead. Mean jolts of pain go through if I try and touch it. My palms are fingers are cut so touching anything hurts. I took a shower, did my best to wash everything out, the hot water in turns unbearably painful and oddly soothing. Now I'm sitting here naked in front of the computer. Putting clothes on just exacerbates any pain. Even laying in bed hurts.

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