Saturday, November 20, 2004

Behold, A Dead Pale Horse (With Sunglasses), That I Am Still Beating

After getting a rare compliment, dear Readers, I attempted to find some interviews with The Makers online to illustrate a point. I failed to find the one I was looking for, because after reading a few articles I just had to stop. They are difficult to get through, while being deeply funny it's amongst some of the most disturbing things I've ever read. I'm not kidding, the feeling of sheer confusion I get when trying to contemplate how these nimrod writers can grant The Makers any artistic heft is only comparable to the sad wonder that comes over me when wondering what came over Germany during the rise of The Nazi Party.

Here's some excerpts. Remember the names of these people, they walk among us.

"Although continuously tagged "rebellious," the most in-your-face Makers attribute--and what ticks antagonists off the most--is the band's loyalty to keeping it real."
-Fen Hsiao, Tuscon Weekly
When you call someone like The Makers 'rebellious', you don't deserve the ability to hear.

"Their latest, this year’s Strangest Parade (2002, Sub Pop) only further underscores the distance between the quartet’s new digs and its old stomping grounds. It features introverted sighing, dismal crying and, of course, the in-the-red dying that put The Makers on the map. Throw in a gaggle of segues, intros and rock-opera storytelling (this time about a rocker who, after the death of his dad, develops a self-destructive, Tommy-like messiah complex), and Strangest Parade boasts the sort of sophistication that just doesn’t work with the off-the-shelf garage-rock mentality."
-Matt Schild,
Introverted sighing? Sophistication? Do the mouth breathing slime at just give jobs to anyone? I would mention the obvious, that Matt Schild is a fucking retard, but I tend to like retarded people and wouldn't want to insult them. If I saw Matt Schild dying in a fire, rather then helping, I would stop and watch him burn.

"Summoning a rock-opera-like demeanor, the Bowie/Queen-influenced record--produced by Kurt Bloch--finds fluidity through its heavy, soundtrackish instrumentation (piano, flute, synthesizer) backed by grandiose glam rock. "It has this feeling of going on a journey; you're going from one scene to the next, and it's somewhat seamless," Maker says of the album's bigger sound, another step away from the band's earlier garage aesthetic. Although Strangest is very personal, the Makers also attempt to touch on issues that are generally identifiable."
-Jenny Tatone, The Stranger
C'mon Jenny, are personal issues not identifiable? Let me try and identify some of The Makers' personal issues, 1. lack of intelligence, 2. excess of self delusion, 3. lack of talent, 4. inability to make a decent record. That was easy.
Hey, maybe I just lack experience in the journalistic world, but would it really be that hard to write an article like:
'With yet another disposable, lousy record that a group of clueless idiots inexplicably ponied up the money for, The Makers fail yet again. This time they attempted to broaden their 'artistic' horizons by switching the eras they are trying to imitate. I tried not to laugh in his face when Maker said "It has the feeling of going on a journey; you're going from one scene to the next, and it's somewhat seamless," Not wishing to hear someone who lacks conversational skills elaborate on something that makes next to no sense, I continued the interview, saddened that I had to be in such close proximity to someone so unpleasant."

"In the disposable world of Rock, it's an amazing feat when a band can remain a cohesive whole in the face of the external distractions and internal tensions that can splinter the most dedicated of groups. A long band life often depends on factors beyond its control, including luck and level of success, both actual and perceived. But a long band life can also be attributed to the amount of change that the band inflicts upon itself, whether that change is stylistic, philosophical or literal, because a band that alters or reinvents itself makes itself more involving and engaging to its members. Given this postulation, The Makers, a Punk quartet from Spokane, Wash., have a longer and more interesting history than most bands."
-Brian Baker, City Beat (just read the whole article, it's flat-out insane:
By the way, Brian Baker, you're not a good writer. I'm going to take an educated extrapolation and conclude you're not a good human being, either.

I got a good night's sleep last night. I feel nice and rested and I'm drinking coffee I stole from work right now. My chin is still scabbed up pretty badly, but everything else seems to be healing nicely. I'm trying to figure out what I am going to do tonight, but I think I'll just stay in with a pizza, beer, and a movie.

I also decided that rather then get my bike fixed, I'm just going to abandon the hobby altogether. I'm wondering if I should get a new credit card to replace my broken ipod, as my walks outside have become next to intolerable without loud music blasting directly into my brain. The last thing I need finically is more debt, so I think it will have to wait. I'm a very impulsive person though, and chances are I just might bite the bullet and buy one anyway.

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