Sunday, October 31, 2004

Saw = Garbage

For those of you that have yet to see it, the killer is the guy laying on the floor in a pool of blood, playing possum. Danny Glover isn't the killer. Either is the other guy who ties up the family and gets beaten up by a women who somehow doesn't shoot even though he recently put a loaded handgun to his toddler daughter's head, that guy is just in on the game for unspecified reasons. But back to the killer and the surprise ending. What was it? Four hours? At least four hours he laid motionless on a cold tile floor, somehow wielding a mechanism causing electric shock without movement, and avoiding the need to urinate. The killer is a pretty industrious guy, somehow finding a wind variety of abandoned, dimly lit dirty rooms to setup his elaborate schemes, lugging man sized voice activated puppets, and getting some real mileage out of the vocoder/tape recorder gag. The movie, which rather then hitting the ground running, stumbles before falling on it's face like a child with poor motor skills, goes completely off the rails before Danny Glover playing the obsessed cop/red herring notices a few white pixels a leftover videotape of the killer's. They immediately ascertain which abandoned factory it is (which in a city composed entirely of abandoned factories, is quite an accomplishment). Along with his partner, they break into the killer's lair, by themselves, without a warrant, find a soon-to-be-victim, attempt to hide, and let the killer - who is terminally ill and gets shot from ten feet away with a tactical shotgun - get away. Oh, and Danny Glover avoids death despite having his throat slit with a some kind of sword, and the other detective, dies in a trap. Then the movie stops even attempting to make any kind of sense, weather it be the killer's disguise (either draped under a sheet, which looks sillier then you think or gussied up like some asshole that just came from the Renaissance Fair), and the whole 'try to imply why characters behave the way they do' thing goes right down the fucking toilet (speaking of which, if YOUR FUCKING FAMILY IS GOING TO BE MURDERED BY A DEADLINE - DON'T YOU THINK YOU WOULD TRY TO MAKE AN EFFORT TO MAKE THAT DEADLINE RATHER THEN SITTING AROUND TALKING?). It's apparent they had very little money to make the movie, weather it is a major crime scene following a serial killer that only has three policeman at the scene, or a car chase that looks like it took them ten minutes and black sheet to film, the movie looks and feels like a cheap piece of shit. You could forgive them if the writing was good, or the acting was fine, or if you were actually scared. But you don't get any of that.

Final note, Cary Elwes gives the worst performance in the history of acting. I am not exaggerating. The worst. Try not to cringe. And, um, don't you think you'd cut your foot off before your family got killed, rather then after?

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