TELL YOUR MOM I WOULD HAVE BEEN HAPPY TO PAY HER, HAD THE RIMJOB BEEN OF HIGHER QUALITY

Friday, October 08, 2004

Maybe I'm Just An Idiot

But 'Astral Weeks' bores the living shit out of me. Don't get me wrong, I dearly love Them (if you lemme digress for a second, the Belfast Gypsies stuff is a-okay, too, but 'Now And Them' should be flushed down a toilet), but I just can't into what is most folk's agree is Van Morrison's biggest accomplishment. I put it on periodically, hoping that something will click, but it never does. I know some people get wide eyed and rabid talking about the artistic triumph blah blah blah and the emotional depth yadda yadda yadda, but I whenever I put the record on I get bored, start skipping to the next track hoping something will leap out at me, and before I know it the whole goddamned thing's over. Maybe it's some Irish thing, but Ireland can suck my cock.

I read Clinton Heylin's 'Can You Feel The Silence', and if every single person that has ever come into contact with Morrison can attest, the guy is an asshole, plain and simple. Hardly a revelation for music fans out there, but I don't give a shit how good the lyrics are; if it comes down to some asshole singing with flutes, it's not my cup of tea. I can take an asshole belting out a tune over a mean stomper of rock track, but you have to draw the line somewhere.

Maybe I'll change my mind, it happens constantly.

No calls from the police or from the long haired biker, so I think I'm in the clear. I should be doing work right now, but I hate my Boss, I hate this company, and I fantasize about all my coworkers burning in hell for all eternity. The guy sitting next to me is a real specimen. Company policy forbids wearing baseball hats in the building, so this guy wears one for the ponderous fifteen step walk from his car to the door, takes it off, leaves it on his desk to advertise the fact is such an iconoclast that he carries his baseball cap inside, and then put it back on the second he leaves the building. He's got a haircut that looks like someone spun the barber around fifty times, then hit him on the head with a snow shovel and told him to get cracking. This guy invited me to a party at his apartment and I pissed in a drawer in his bathroom, filling it with a nice puddle of urine. I was surprised the thing was water tight. Hey ASSHOLE! NICE FUCKING HAT! IT LOOKS GREAT ON YOUR FUCKING DESK! HEY! I PISSED IN YOUR DRAWER AND I'M POSTING IT ON THE INTERNET AND RIDICULING YOU, IN FACT, I'M LOOKING AT YOU RIGHT NOW AND POSTING ABOUT WHAT A NUMBNUTS YOU ARE, AND YOU ARE NONE THE WISER. He also has a cross-eyed girlfriend. Fuck him and his baseball cap. Lunch time, going to have another shitty ham sandwich.

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