TELL YOUR MOM I WOULD HAVE BEEN HAPPY TO PAY HER, HAD THE RIMJOB BEEN OF HIGHER QUALITY

Tuesday, October 12, 2004

Fuck My Boss

It's almost 1AM. I'm still at work, goddamnit. I got here early so I could get a head start on the waffles before the various overweight beasts got their pudgy fingers on 'em. My Boss (who was wearing a FRINGE jacket earlier, at least I assume so, because I saw it hanging on his fancy chair that 'is the only thing that works for my back') made me stay at copy a million goddamned things to make these stupid fucking booklets to mail to some shitbag company in Peoria. What the shit does it matter is some illiterate midwest motherfuck gets his book a day late? Nobody is going to be looking at this worthless shit. I'm so mad I could strangle a dozen kittens, easy.

The good news though is the new receptionist here is a KNOCKOUT, a freckled redheaded sweet heart. She smiled at me when she saw me, probably the first time a girl has smiled at me in months. Girls react to me like I'm wearing a giant neon sign that says REGISTERED SEX OFFENDER. I didn't get a chance to gab with her, but I'll try my damnedest later. The 'person' that sits next to me, who has got three or four chromosomes, tops, was stopping his work (and I can hear his mouth breathing and with his cavernous sinuses he sounds like a dinosaur) to get up and talk to her. Just hearing his voice heightened in his sickening flirt mode is enough to make me want shoot him in the groin with a rocket launcher. I spent so much time at the fucking copier today my eyes won't focus, my skin won't retain it's elasticity, my jaw hurts from constantly clenching my teeth in an effort not scream unspeakable profanity to anyone that falls into my field of vision, I'm sweaty, out of breath, and feel like I'm coming off a crack binge. Coming off a weeklong crack binge would be like a week a luxury hotel with a half dozen porn stars compared to how I feel.

I'm still a good two hours from being done. I want to go through the employee files, find my Boss's home address, drive over there and murder his entire family in front of him.

Listened to the Equals today in my car on the way to work. Hadn't pulled out that comp in a long time. They got hooks, gets a little to similar after sitting in traffic all fucking morning, but great stuff nonetheless. But fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck I don't want to be here anymore. I want to be at home in my bed. That's all, I don't want a million dollars, I don't want to stick my wiener in any movie starlets, I don't want fame, I don't want recognition, I just want to be at home in my bed. Is that too much to ask?

Back to work, goddamnit. I wish I had went to college and majored in engineering so I could figure out a way to blow up this building. Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck.

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